You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Randomize
