Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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