I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Such a big mess for such a small penis
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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