Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
