Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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