i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
How drunk are you?
Completed.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Randomize
