she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
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