he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
