that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
