would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Randomize
