I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
