Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
I think I have vodka in my lungs
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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