Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize
