Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
