U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Randomize
