i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
