I cannot find my penis.
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
