Ambien. No doubt about it.
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
