don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Randomize
