I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
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