I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
