Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
