You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
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