the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Randomize
