I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
