is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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