Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
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