I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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