I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
