Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
