you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Randomize
