I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
You ruined the universe
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
