miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I'm bleeding and have questions
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
