go do what you do best...puke behind churches
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize