oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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