Can i not drive my cunt home
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Randomize
