Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
