OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
