So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Randomize
