don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
