i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Randomize
