she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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