Pappa wants mamma naked
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
