he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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