yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
the condom got lost in my hair
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize