Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
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