my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
I just found puke in my bra..
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
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