do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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