my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
Randomize
