She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Randomize