so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
