like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
