Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
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