Do you still have your period?
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Randomize
