you turned your livingroom into a bong?
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Randomize
