Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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