3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
can u get pink eye on your cock?
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Randomize
