That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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