Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
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