She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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