saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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