whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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