i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
