3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
We named our party play list daddy issues
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
