dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
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