I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
