I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize