I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
