I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Randomize
