His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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