This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
You were trust falling into bushes
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
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