Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
