I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I fill condoms, not promises.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
