I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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